The Spot That You Hold.

Through Boxes and pictures, digging for notes.

Something to cling to that gives me some hope.

I want a new memory to play in my head

A yearning so hopeless, you’re better off dead

It would leave me with absence that’s, so definite, so closed

That no gap in my heart would be kept for your home

But you are still out there, so I still leave a space.

You go on through your life and you still own a place.

Up for sale, and no takers, so it says “empty lot”

The sign that reminds me I’m still someplace you’re not

Is it selfish of me to want you to stay

To know you’d be with me if I had my way

But who you are now, is not what I want.

I want the old you to stay in this spot.

Now as quick a gun shot and as sharp as a knife.

I find who I wanted, no longer has life.

Walking dead to me, you’ve got life but no soul,

At least not the same soul for the spot that I hold.

Naive Orleans

Life goes on

Like you Never Left

It seems that lately my life has been filled with plenty of Hello's and Goodbye's. Best friends going to college, going on trips, and leaving and returning from missions. Being the "feeler" that I am. I always have a fear that when I see my friends again that there will be this awkward barrier between our relationship for a little while.

BOY was I proved wrong today.

I saw my bestfriend for the first time in 2 years today. After the first big hug I expected some type of awkward....but it didn't come. We started talking and it felt like he had never left. We wandered around his room unpacking his suit case and talking like we did in High School. Listening to music, laughing, discussing the future relationships of our lives and catching each other up on our present situations.

I couldn't be happier to have a friend like that. I think that's when you really know you have a good friend. Some one that really knows you. No matter how long you spend apart you come back to each other and it's as if you saw each other yesterday.

Of course, keeping your relationship update through letters and emails during that time apart helps.

But I can't even describe the joy for now having my best friend to call whenever I want, and whenever I need him.

In the wise words of Steve Warner... Life is Good :)

Miss ya, miss ya...really wanna kiss ya but I can't

In a short 21 days I will be leaving this beautiful country and heading to London. :)
I don't think I could be more stoked and more TOTALY FREAKED OUT. I feel a little pathetic to say that the thing I'm most afraid of is being home sick. But obviously keeping myself distracted while traveling around England...probably won't be too hard

SO, I decided to write a list of things that I already know I'll miss just so I can accept it and get it out of the way. (In no particular order)
1.My Room, as of yesterday I was informed that I will be staying in a room with 13 others girls..haha WAHOO for bunkbeds!...?So as of now I'm taking advantage of having my own room. Because in 21 days I'll have the privacy of a divorcing celebrity.

2.Calling my Mom. To anyone whohas been my room mate before they probably know that my mom and I talk.....A lot. So not being able to call her pretty much everyday will be quite interesting. I just really love that woman.

3.Sarah. Sarah besides being the best sister in the world she's hilarious and if there is any time I need to spaz out with someone..she is my first choice.

4.The Boys......No..not a boyfriend. the boys in my family Dad, Jer, Taylor, and Aaron. By far my favorite boys that ever roomed the earth.

5. Camila and Lincoln. AKA my favorite sister-in-law, and the cutest nephew ever.

6. Kara,Olivia,Katie,Hailey,Kristen,CarlyYou know those people that you are ridiculously comfortable around and when you're all together you forgot how much you absolutely love your life. Yep that's the Kochermaywagsblinsmellswainsen Family. Sure I'll be in a London flat with around 30 girls. But nothing can compare to the Kocher-sen family. Each one of us is different that's for sure. But we kind of go together well.

7.My closest and best friends ever Steve and Kristen. Steven Leland Warner. Best friends since my naive sophomore year of High School. I can tell this kid ANYTHING, I would describe our relationship a little better if I could..But it's just good. He gets home from a mission inBrazil in 3 days from now. Which meansI've got about..2 weeks to catch up and say "see ya later" for a second time..And Kristen. Bestfriends from ninth grade. Back when we secretly wished we were hardcore and had a band name Frella up to being miles away from each other but reuniting and feeling like we never left. Pretty sure my husband will be a female version of Kristen...

8.Manfred(Manny). To any citizen of Orem Utah If you saw manfred you would probably think. "Oh look, a really crappy '91 Honda Accord." But the vehicle has character. We've been with each other since Junior year and he'll be gone when I get back from London. To be sold to someone else who could never love him the way I do. ....obviously I'm attached. He's the only friend I got to take with me to college. and the only friend who really knows how loud I can sing.

Now that that's out of the way I'M READY!!...mentally I guess. No packing or real preparation has been made yet...I'm a bit of procrastinator :)

Sisters

okay..So I've been on a weird poetry kick lately...I don't know really where it came from.. My only guess is that one of my best friends in the world Steve Warner is getting home from his mission soon and we used to always share poems with eachother..So that's that.
Anyways this is a poem I wrote specifically to my sister Sarah. I know both of us are looking forward to seeing or other sisters Mollie and Rachel again someday.

Sisters

On the waiting room floor,

or on a hill by a tree

pleadingthey'll stay

knowing they'll leave

The one of my childhood

just two years younger

Now living for her

while she watches over

The one was so fragile,

felt no pain of the earth,

loved as deep as I could

for a life lost at birth

Then one who remains

and lives by my side,

we felt it together

twin tears that we cried

both lived through pain

we never understood

We're all we've got left

So we love like we should

The four of us together

won't come today,

but trying forever

to see us that way

We live in a half world

not yet being whole,

Though we live worlds away

we still love through our souls

London

London.... The name brings joy to my 19 year old soul
As of a week ago I am officially accepted into to the London Study Abroad program with BYU!!! :)
This could mean one of two things. I will return with a profound knowledge of the London tube system, a love for fish and chips, a depth of intellect regarding literature and green fields and a journal filled with adventures......or all of that but add on a blog filled with random insights on how London will be, is and was the most amazing experience I have encountered in my young adult life. So I've made a few goals to fulfill while I'm there
-take LOADS of pictures
-Write EVERYday
-evolve all my writing in to some type of short story
-..flirt with my english boys...( If Mary Kate and Ashely can do it, SO CAN I)
-See:stonehenge,London Bridge, Big Ben, a Castle, Shakespeares home, the globe theater, The Eiffel Tower(and for those of you who think I'm an idiot. yes, I know its not in London, and yes we'll go to Paris.)..along with a bunch of other beautiful places I can't think of
-Learn enough slang and mannerisms to have people mistaking me for a local
-See SHOWS!! AAH THE THEATER!!!
-laugh everyday
-vlog!

I don't want to make too many plans 'cause I want it to be full of random adventures!! But it would be a wonderful coincidence to run into Prince Harry...I'm just saying :)

POEM!

So I got bored...well I guess it wasn't boredom if I had things to do...It was more of procrastination....Any ways I used my time to write a poem

“I’ve done it again my Savior
I didn’t come when you reached out to me
But I’m back at your feet and I need what you give,
For my hands again are unclean

I’m covered in Sin and regret
And I can’t wash it off all alone
Please lend me your hand and help me be clean,
Please just a second away from your thrown”

He came down to be beside me and wash every stain that I had
But he didn’t use soap or a washcloth,
He brought no water or rag
The joy and the sorrow that filled me I will never forget through my years,
When I looked at his hands as they grazed over mine slowly cleaning my pain with his tears

When he finished he grasped my hands tightly
And his love made me fall to my knees
He said “Don’t be ashamed of the promise you made to fearlessly come follow me,
Dear daughter of God don’t be troubled
Stay close to my side and obey,
If your hands once again become covered in sin
For you I will wash them away.”